Every parent has their own journey and their own style of parenting.
No matter how good our intentions are, we will still make mistakes. The fact that those mistakes impact our children is a hard pill to swallow.
And when a parent slaps a child right across those soft cheeks and if I have to ask them, how do you feel hitting your own child? Their usual response always is – I FEEL AWFUL. I DON’T LIKE DOING THAT TO MY CHILD.
So, I ask – Then why did you hit them? And these are the few answers that all the parents often give –
- If I don’t hit them today, how will they learn? How would they know that this behavior has to stop?
- I didn’t mean to hit them, but they get so fussy and irritating that I eventually lose my temper.
- They have to understand that the wrong behavior will have harsh consequences. The hard way of imparting life lessons.
- I hit them so they are scared and think twice again before doing any such thing again.
Undeniably behind every parents behavior there is a good intention for the child.
And my question is – Is scolding or slapping really helping?
And there are parents who are supportive of their children in every way possible.
I know parents who take loans to ensure that their child studies in an English Medium School. Parents who work hard or already have all the luxuries to provide their children with every comfort and fulfill their demands believing and hoping that this would motivate their children to study, to be responsible, to be appreciative of the privileges, overall to be a good performing child.
Even behind this behavior, there is a positive intention for the child. And that’s to give them all the support and motivation, so children stay focused on their performances.
In spite of giving them all the resources and support, are children still being irresponsible? Are they throwing more tantrums? Are they able to respect and acknowledge all that you are providing to them?
My question again to you is – Giving children all the support and fulfilling their wishes, is it working?
If the answer to both the questions is NO, then the question is how do we to raise children in a manner where they take responsibility for their own work, nurturing their self-esteem, supporting them in managing their emotions, encouraging them to talk and share everything.
There are different things that we could be trying:
- Working from our own childhood experiences. Assuming that all that our parents failed to provide us or failed to understand our emotions are things that we would definitely support our children with.
- Checking with friends and relatives with what they are doing in similar situations.
- By reading parenting books and articles to build on existing knowledge.
Are the above trials working in real life? Are you able to resolve or manage when your kids act out, misbehave, disrespect or drive you to the brink of insanity disrupting your family happiness and values?
Parenting is definitely an experience that we are very sure and confident about. We have this strong belief that we know our kids better than anybody. But, parenting is less about what you know, it’s more about what the child needs.
Unarguably we know what’s right and wrong in the world out there, we have more experience of life as adults but the question is how do we understand our children’s need and respect his feelings and also able to guide them in the right direction.
From the list above I would also recommend seeking support from a coach, counselor or therapist to understand the certain research-based techniques which help open up channels of communication to connect with children.
And to be able to support them in a manner where we start experiencing parenting from the same state of connection that we once had when we held our child in our arms for the first time.
The experience of parenting is similar to how a battery functions. The power of the battery would decrease, at times drain but constantly charging is the key to well functioning.
Likewise, in a family, in relationships especially parenting, there could be unpleasant experiences, at times more exhausting and draining experiences but often taking small periods of time to recharge at frequent intervals leaves our battery less likely to die (lose all energy).
The small periods of recharge are the skills, tools, and techniques that we equip ourselves with to build new perspectives & self-skills to connect with our children.
Changing the way as parents we talk and listen to our children, responding and reacting to their emotions – this kind of recharge at frequent intervals will help you experience greater power and a sense of satisfaction in truly building a home that you always dreamt of.